Catatan Kebencian 2

i just don't know somehow what i feel. that sunday morning in my bathroom a few years ago. i found myself covered in blood.

miscarriage. Maybe that is what happened to me. What must i feel?? Sad? Happy? I just lost my future child. i've cried alone that thay. Cry because I realized that I had made ​​a mistake. Realize that God still loves me. God take it because he knew my situation at that time. I cried not because of pain. not the physical pain that I feel. I was crying about the state of my mind. Solitude. And of course ignorance Fajar. really do not care. At least that's what I knew.

rany febriani friend who always accompany me at that time. only on rani I can tell everything. Sadness, the bitterness of life, but I still protect Him, person who have hurt me. As far, as deep as this. I can not blame Fajar let alone in front of  Rany. I know, Rany will not stand aside when I was hurt by Fajar.
said ... What if I hate Person deserve it? hate Fajar? hate Him because he is not responsible for what happens now? So easily he just said "I am confused", "what can I do?"
What can I do as well. when I was pregnant and now I lose my baby? only word that I got from Fajar. Shall  I feel hurt?
I'm patient ... patience during this. and Fajar, he just quietly doing nothing. I do not know, where his love, a sense of responsibility which he was always proud of that? I am already fed up with all the bullshit. Damn you !!!!!